


On Thunderstorms and Scared Shadowhunters

by alecszuko



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Has Self-Worth Issues, Arachnophobia (mentioned), Astraphobia, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Fluff, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Light Angst, M/M, Pet Names, Protective Magnus Bane, Understanding Magnus Bane, needle phobia (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22164124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alecszuko/pseuds/alecszuko
Summary: One thing people don’t know about Alec Lightwood is that he’s scared of things too. He’s good at hiding it, but they still exist within him. Making his life just a little bit harder. And these things don’t necessarily have to be horrifying, traumatic things. On the contrary, they can be small, trivial things most people would make fun of.Definitely too mundane for a Shadowhunter, of all people, to be terrified of.Or, Alec's scared of thunderstorms and Magnus makes sure he knows there's nothing wrong with it.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 26
Kudos: 373





	On Thunderstorms and Scared Shadowhunters

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic I've written in English. I'm not a native so sorry for any mistakes! Hope you enjoy it! If you do, please leave a comment, it means so much to me!

One thing people don’t know about Alec Lightwood is that he’s scared of things too. He’s good at hiding it, but they still exist within him. Making his life just a little bit harder. And these things don’t necessarily have to be horrifying, traumatic things. On the contrary, they can be small, trivial things most people would make fun of.

Definitely too mundane for a Shadowhunter, of all people, to be terrified of.

So, Alec keeps these things to himself. Makes sure he’s not around anyone when he sees a spider and lets himself freak out or if someone has a needle in hand directed at him, he just mans up and takes it, despite knowing he’s going to have a mini panic attack as soon as he’s alone.

Making a run for it whenever his pitiful fears show their faces gets a little bit harder, when Magnus Bane lets himself in Alec’s life with his ravishing looks and confident attitude.

Alec knows he’s the luckiest man on the face of the earth to have Magnus Bane choose him as his boyfriend. And he knows how much his boyfriend loves and cherishes him, that he’d never judge him for anything. No matter how senseless his fears may be.

_But._

But Magnus is perfect. He’s hundreds of years old and he’s knowing and wonderful and in all the four months they’ve been together, Alec’s never seen the man scared of something irrational. He knows Magnus has his own hang-ups and issues he still needs to confront but none of those troubles are as absurd as Alec’s are.

And yes, maybe he’s being a little unfair comparing himself to someone who has lived all those hundreds of years, had the appropriate time to spare to get over his irrational fears. That is, if he has any.

Still, it’s not something Alec can bring himself to open up about to anyone. Hell, he’d made sure even Jace, the person he literally shares a part of his soul with, didn’t know. Unfair or not, Alec’s embarrassed and won’t just admit to being scared of needles or spiders or other bizarre things unless there’s no other option.

So despite the hardship, Alec decides Magnus is just another person he’s going to have to hide his fears from. And it goes on like that for a while, it works and Alec’s pretty convinced Magnus thinks he’s as fearless as any other Shadowhunter.

And he is. He’s fearless when it comes to slaying demons and killing all kinds of dangerous beasts. These are just teeny tiny problems Alec can deal with on his own just fine. Although, maybe Alec should’ve known better, that when he’d started to live with a person as observant and mindful as Magnus, he wouldn’t have been able to be so subtle about his teeny tiny problems.

When the time comes, the fear Magnus gets the honor of witnessing, is a one Alec himself almost forgot existed.

It happens in a stormy day.

* * *

Alec comes home rather early, when he’d realized it started raining he hurried his work as much as he could in hopes that he’d be able to spend some cuddly, warm afternoon with his boyfriend. He’s drenched, his clothes are sticking to his skin in an unpleasant way and he’s cold. When he walks in, the wards of the apartment easily accepting him in, the warmth of home wraps up around him. Both literally and figuratively.

He takes off his boots, flings off his jacket and eases into the living room. Before he can call for his boyfriend, he sees Magnus exit the kitchen and move towards him with a smile on his face. “Welcome home, my darling,” he greets Alec and gives him a through kiss on the lips that warms Alec all the way down to his toes. “Hi,” he answers. “It’s raining a lot; I took a taxi and still managed to get wet.”

Magnus retreats a little to take a look at him and hums. “Why don’t you go take a hot shower and I’ll make us hot coco? We can watch a movie,” he offers but then hesitates for a second. “You don’t have to go back, right?”

Alec shakes his head and starts towards the bathroom. “I’m all yours today.”

After a much needed shower, his body finally gains back some warmth but he still feels a shudder go through his body every so often so he decides it’s probably a good idea to bring a blanket with him to the living room. As he settles to the couch with his back to the armrest and the blanket covering his body, Magnus comes out with two cups in his hands.

“You made yourself comfortable,” he laughs and puts the cups down to the coffee table. Alec straightens up and indicates that Magnus should sit against the armrest so he can lean on him. When they’re comfortably wrapped around each other, Magnus turns on the television.

“What do you want to watch?”

“Anything.”

“Anything?”

“Hmm.”

So Magnus chooses a comedy or something. Alec doesn’t really pay attention from the start, he’s going to fall asleep in a few minutes probably, he is too comfortable and warm in Magnus’ embrace not to. It’s such a sweet sleep calling to him, he’s sure he has a goofy smile on his face and his eyes are dropping. His body finally sated after the tiring hours in the institute and the freezing weather.

He’s drifting, content and just as the sleep starts to take over, there’s a piercing sound that makes his body go rigid and he can’t help but jump lightly. Magnus’ hands tighten around him and despite the lack of any distance between them, he pulls Alec impossibly closer. “It’s okay, angel. Go back to sleep.”

And by the angel, Alec wants nothing more than to do just that.

But the sound of thunder keeps repeating itself, and it gets louder every time. Alec tries not to flinch because even the slightest movement he makes would be felt by Magnus. He tries to calm himself. He’s safe. He’s home. Magnus is right there, holding him so close he can feel the light hairs in the back of his neck move with Magnus’ warm breaths.

And dammit, it’s been so long since Alec had to go through this. He’s almost forgotten about it. But now, memories come back.

He was scared of thunder as a child and his mom could be convinced to stay with him a few hours, holding his hand and sing him a lullaby until he was so sleepy he couldn’t be bothered by the sudden sounds.

When he’d gotten a bit older, Maryse had refused to stay by his side for a fear so childish and she would always tell him to _get himself together, for fucks sake, he is a Shadowhunter, born to be a leader. He isn’t a pathetic coward_. Alec knew she was right. He hadn’t asked her again, too embarrassed by the fact that he was a 14 year old Shadowhunter who was scared of thunder.

But it didn’t stop scaring him just because he’d decided to ignore the fear. So whenever there was a storm, Alec wouldn’t be able to sleep all night and the next day his body would be aching all over because of the strain he’d put himself through.

Sometimes Izzy would come to sleep with him, exclaiming she _too_ was scared of the noises but Alec was almost sure she did it to cease Alec’s worries, more than her own.

Now and then, it would be Jace. No matter how much Alec would try to keep his weak sides to himself, he wasn’t stupid enough to think his parabatai didn’t feel his uneasiness in the stormy nights that had become the bane of his existence.

Most of the time Jace would silently let himself in his room and sit by the edge of Alec’s bed until Alec would become so distraught he’d have to accept comfort from his brother and let him hold him through the night without a single word. Jace would be gone in the next morning before he woke up which Alec had appreciated immensely.

He doesn’t like the fact that his siblings know one of his fears. He doesn’t like being vulnerable in their eyes. He is the big brother. He is the protector and the care taker. Not the other way around.

But much to his luck, the fear had subsided or Alec started training harder and tiring himself so much so that when he went back to sleep, he was tired enough not to notice it.

His thoughts are cut off by another crashing sound that makes him flinch. He tries so hard to stop his body from trembling but it is too late. One of the reasons why he doesn’t like thunders is because it is so instantaneous; he can’t prepare himself to the alarming noise which makes anxiety rise in his chest. The movement, of course, engages Magnus’ attention. He stops the movie and adjusts his position a bit to see Alec’s face.

“Angel, is everything okay?”

“Y-yes,” Alec hates the way his voice trembles. “It caught me by surprise.”

Magnus looks right into his eyes for a few long minutes. Alec feels like he is looking right through his soul.

Alec puffs through his nose and turns to the television. “Alexander, it’s okay to be scared of something, I’m the last person who’d judge you for it,” he coaxes before bringing one of his hands down Alec’s hair and starts combing his fingers through it.

Alec truly hates when Magnus does this. He has no right to sound so understanding, accepting like being scared of these small things isn’t something Alec’s felt ashamed of all his life, like it is absolutely normal for a 6′ 3″ tall Shadowhunter to be scared of something so… mediocre.

It isn’t okay. Alec shouldn’t be weak like this, shouldn’t let himself be vulnerable like this. He’s a soldier, a leader. He doesn’t have that kind of luxury. Not even with Magnus.

“I’m not scared of _anything_ ,” he mumbles. Well, that might’ve been an overstatement but Alec has to prove his point.

“Okay, if you say so.”

Alec nods his head and turns to the screen and waits for Magnus to restart the movie, which doesn’t happen because Alec is spooked by yet another thunder crash. Alec has had enough. He tries to untangle himself from Magnus’ hold and go to the bedroom to get through this misery alone but Magnus doesn’t give.

Alec bites back a growl of ‘let go of me’ and tries to relax himself. He isn’t angry at Magnus; he absolutely has no right to yell at him simply because he is angry at himself for being so pathetic.

He turns to take in his boyfriend’s face. What he sees makes him gulp down. Magnus’s entire attention is fixed on him. He is watching Alec so intently that Alec has to force himself to keep eye contact.

Magnus doesn’t say anything, just takes one of his hands to his and caresses it with a fondness Alec doesn’t feel worthy of. “Alexander,” he says softly. “There’s _nothing_ wrong with being afraid.”

“I know.”

“So tell me,” he pushes. And he looks so sincere, so open, his eyes filled with such pure love that Alec wonders why he’s even trying to hide from this man. This man who accepted every single flaw Alec has from the very start and only helped him and stood by him.

It always comes back to Alec. Maybe Magnus won’t be embarrassed by it but Alec is.

“Maybe I am a little scared,” he allows. “But it’s okay. I’m a grown ass man. You can laugh if you want.”

Magnus raises one eyebrow. “Why would I laugh?”

“It’s funny. I’m 23, Magnus. And I am scared of thunder. You’re allowed to laugh.” He doesn’t admit that he’d probably start crying if Magnus laughed at him now. He wants Magnus to think that this isn’t a sore spot, that he’s had peace with himself.

“I don’t find it funny,” Magnus assures him. He places his hand on the side of Alec’s face and strokes his cheek bone tenderly. “I think it’s completely normal that you’re scared of something.”

“Being scared of this isn’t normal for someone like me.” Alec insists as he glances away. He just wants to go to the bedroom. The disturbing noise that comes and goes in the background makes him all the more nervous.

“Someone like you?” Magnus asks innocently. And Alec feels anger shooting through him at his words. Alec doesn’t understand why Magnus acts clueless.

Surely he understands how absurd and ridiculous this situation is.

“Someone like me,” Alec explains with fury. “A Shadowhunter, a soldier, a warrior…” Alec would keep babbling about all the ways this is wrong but Magnus places a finger to his lips and shuts him up.

“Hey,” Magnus murmurs and his voice is so very kind and compassionate that Alec feels himself calm down instantly. He feels hypnotized by Magnus’ voice and one of his hands on his hair and the other on his cheek.

“So what? You’re all those things my love, yes. But you’re also a human. And just like the rest of us, you’re allowed to have fears.”

“Fears, yes. But Magnus, being scared of thunder? It’s stupid and I’m stupid-”

“You’re not stupid,” Magnus’ voice is now lined with a hint of protectiveness and firm. “You’re human. Alexander, you’re one of the most capable people I know. You’re a great leader, an amazing big brother. And a magnificent boyfriend,” he adds the last bit with a wink and a smirk.

“But you’re allowed to have fears too. No matter how irrational people may think they are. If something upsets you or scares you, it’s important. It’s as simple as that.”

“You’re not,” Alec pushes. “You don’t have any silly fears so it’s easy for you to talk.” Alec is annoyed; he thinks he’s allowed to when Magnus is so perfectly perfect. “What do you mean? You know I’m scared of acid washed jeans.” Alec starts to get really irritated. He can’t help but feel like he’s being made fun of. He tries to wriggle his way out of Magnus’ embrace but doesn’t succeed.

“Do you really think I’m dumb enough to believe that? That was a joke Magnus.” He fires.

“No it wasn’t,” Magnus answers and he sounds almost offended. “I was deadly serious.” And Alec is ready to start a fight now, but then he takes a look at Magnus’ face and considers that maybe, just maybe Magnus is serious. “I-,” Alec stutters. “Really?”

“Yes, really. They’re my worst nightmare, darling. I wouldn’t joke about that.”

And Alec can’t help the laugh that forces its way out of his mouth. “Look who’s laughing now,” Magnus says with a fake pout. It’s the cutest thing Alec’s ever seen.

And Alec is reminded once again how lucky he is to have this enticing, beautiful man. Maybe these words don’t solve all his issues but deep down, knowing Magnus doesn’t mind him being vulnerable and is never scared of showing his own vulnerability makes him feel so much lighter.

“I love you so much. Did you know that?” He kisses the words into his warlock’s lips and feels Magnus’ growing smile against his.

“You’ve told me, once or twice.” Magnus answers with a happy expression.

Alec smiles as he puts his arms around Magnus’ neck and buries his face in his neck. He shudders a little and lets out an involuntary whimper as another thunder crashes. “Shh, I’ve got you angel.” Magnus says as he pulls Alec into his lap and wraps his hands around him. He sweeps some hair out of Alec’s forehead and urges Alec to look at him.

“I never want you to hide something from me, Alec. If anything bothers you at all, I want to be the first person to know about it.” Alec nods his head and wants to retreat to his former position but Magnus’ hand is firmly holding his neck. “You can come to me with anything, Alexander, for anything,” he finishes.

“Right back at you,” is the only thing Alec manages with the intense emotions radiating from Magnus’ eyes. Knowing his own eyes reflects it.

He’s enamored by this man. The amount of love and respect he’s willing to offer Alec makes his head spin sometimes.

Alec knows he doesn’t deserve this much acceptance. But if Magnus is willing to give it to him, he’s hardly going to refuse.

“I know it’s early,” he starts hesitantly. “But do you wanna go to sleep?” His question is emphasized by a yawn and Magnus smiles softly at him. “Alright pup,” he says as he gets up from the couch with a lapful of Alec.

Alec squeals, surprised by the sudden change. He knows Magnus is more than capable of carrying him as proven by multiple make-out sessions they had in this couch, but he’s sleepy and his mind takes time to catch up with actions.

“’M not a pup,” he still forces himself to correct. He’s not fond of this pet name. Magnus calls him all sorts of things but this is the weirdest one. He’s almost sure Magnus uses it purely to annoy him.

“So you say,” is Magnus’ answer and before he notices, he’s in bed, between the sheets. Magnus settles next to him and shifts so that Alec has his head resting on Magnus’ chest. The steady _bump bump bump_ of Magnus’ heart is one of his favorite sounds.

And when the next thunder crashes, Alec’s happy to state that he doesn’t tense even a bit. He’s content, in the arms of the man he loves and finally able to accept the sleep that knocks on his door.

“Goodnight, angel, and I love you too,” is the last thing he hears before drifting and Alec would be purring if he could.

He knows that next time he’s scared of something, he has Magnus to lean on to. No matter how small and insignificant it may seem.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments would be appreciated a lot!


End file.
